Now that it’s December I’m breaking fully into the Christmas content because I can. I also have buckets of amazing seasonal films to watch while you’re high. Since I can’t see my family this year, just like a number of people I imagine, I’ll be having an orphans stoner Christmas with my buddy and we will definitely be watching some of these Christmas classics along with a few lesser-known and very weird films. These are just a few of my personal favourites and you may not agree with me, but you aren’t writing the article and I am, so hush your beaks and enjoy this list of ultimate stoner Christmas films.
Santa With Muscles
If you don’t know this film, buckle up and prepare yourself for the most ridiculous and perfect Christmas film ever. Santa With Muscles stars Hulk Hogan who begins the story as an evil millionaire who only cares about one thing, money. However, after an accident gives him amnesia he becomes convinced he is Santa. Obviously, hilarity ensues and I genuinely believe there is no better Christmas film to watch while high, especially if you are having friends over for the holiday. The film was made in 1996 and was in the cinema for two full weeks. Funnily enough, it wasn’t exactly a massive hit but people just didn’t get how great it was. Ok, I guess technically it’s terrible but in that way where you just can’t stop watching it. If there is one film I will be insisting goes on the Christmas movie docket this year it will be Santa With Muscles. He’s literally Santa, and he has muscles, that’s pretty much the whole thing and I love it.
Bad Santa
I just can’t hate anything that has Billy Bob Thornton in it, that man is as oddly hilarious as he is weirdly sexy and generally just a damn fine actor. If you want something that is a bit more high budget and generally just a bit filthy then this is your pick. Bad Santa is the story of a conman who poses as Santa, along with his associate, to pull a shopping centre heist on Christmas eve. Then a troubled child comes into the mix and everything goes a little off-kilter. This film is dirty, funny and ridiculous so perfect for getting stoned to. The cast is also pretty impressive if you are a fan of American comedies. It may not be Oscar-worthy but it is a lot of fun, maybe not one to watch with the family though.
Polar Express
Ok, I know what you’re thinking but hear me out. The reason I’m putting this completely bizarre film on the list is that if you watch it stoned it will mess up your brain. The uncanny valley animation alone is enough to make you go a bit sideways. The fun thing about this film is that while the animation terrifies you beyond belief the heartwarming and fluffy story will make you feel all holly-jolly inside. If you tend to get intense visuals when you smoke this may be one to avoid because genuinely I find those children’s almost human faces very unsettling.
Planes Trains and Automobiles
Let me start off by saying this film is one of my favourites for Christmas because it reminds me how lucky we were to have John Candy on this Earth. This has been one of my favourite films since I was a kid, the story of two polar opposite men played by John Candy and Steve Martin who end up travelling across America together to get home to their families for Christmas after their flight is cancelled. They hate each other, love each other, it’ll make you laugh out loud and believe you me it will make you cry. I don’t give a damn who you are you will cry at this film, especially if you’re high. If you are a fan of 80s comedies this is definitely one of the best in the business, whilst also being a genuinely heartwarming Christmas movie. I guarantee you will notice a few scenes that you have seen referenced in other media as well.
Arthur Christmas
If you want an animated film that won’t give you a nightmarish feeling that nothing is real, then I recommend Arthur Christmas. This is the ultimate in feel-good funny British animation. It stars actors such as James McAvoy, Hugh Laurie, Bill Nighy, Imelda Staunton and Jim Broadbent as well as loads of others. This is a film that is technically for kids but has a good amount of adult jokes and genuinely funny moments. The animation is adorable, the plot is amazing and the voice acting is spectacular. If I had to pick my favourite all-time animated Christmas movie it would be this one. Honestly, it’s very high in my top Christmas films overall. Have a spliff and snuggle up, this film will have you feeling like a fresh cup of hot chocolate on a frosty evening.
A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas
A stoner Christmas film list wouldn’t be complete without the Christmas movie from one of the most famous stoner franchises ever. This buddy film follows stoner friends Harold, played by John Cho, and Kumar, played by Kal Penn. This story comes after their Guantanamo Bay adventure so maybe give that a watch pre-Christmas. Basically, Harold’s father-in-law has a prize Christmas tree. I think you can probably figure out roughly what happens from there. This film is funny and easy watching, while also literally being designed for stoned people. It also has amazing actors like Patton Oswald, Niel Patrick Harris, and Danny Trejo. After whatever happens happens to that Christmas tree the friends must reunite in order to go out and search for a replacement. Things spiral from there but I won’t give anything else away. Another great film for watching with a group of friends, a couple of joints, and a whole lot of Christmas snacks.
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